


Renata's Guilt

by insanechayne



Series: 50 Shades of Marcus [2]
Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M, Feels, Gen, Guilt, Sorrow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-03
Updated: 2013-03-03
Packaged: 2017-12-04 04:12:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/706403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insanechayne/pseuds/insanechayne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a continuation of 50 Shades of Marcus, showing what happened in the first few months after Judith's death, and Renata's change of heart of the situation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Renata's Guilt

Marcus had been moping around the castle for the past month. No one could blame him, since the poor man had just lost his soul mate, but every time she looked into his eyes Renata couldn’t help but feel grossly ashamed. After all, Renata was the one who had sentenced his wife, Judith, to death. It had all been a part of her plan to win back Aro’s love and affections, but that had backfired quite horribly.

After Aro had murdered Judith he had decided to lay low for a while, and that meant only sleeping with Sulpichia. In fact, he wanted nothing to do with Renata, at least not in a physical sense. He still allowed her to trail along behind him, shielding him from non-existing danger, but he refused to touch her. Even after Judith was removed from the picture Renata still couldn’t get what she wanted from life, and it was pushing her into an odd form of despair. She still longed for him with a passion that overwhelmed her, but she would have to be content with merely protecting him. It was certainly a losing scenario for her, and for Marcus as well. Renata was actually starting to feel guilty for what she had done. 

Renata knew that the only way she would feel happy again was if Aro allowed her back into his bed, but since that didn’t seem to be an option for a while, she knew that to be rid of the evil feelings of shame and guilt she suffered, she would have to tell Marcus what had happened. She wasn’t sure how he would react, and she feared that telling him would enrage him so much that he would immediately attack Aro; that would cause a war among the Volturri, and would certainly mean death for her.

That was why she was nervous as she made her way up the stairs to Marcus’s quarters. She went slower than she needed to, slower than she was capable, but she was too afraid of the consequences to go much faster. Halfway up the steps she could hear his tearless sobs echoing through the stairwell, and her resolve plummeted to nearly nothing. Would telling him her part and Aro’s in Judith’s death make his suffering worse, or would it give him closure? It was impossible to know the outcome, and Renata bit her lip as she contemplated these options. In the end telling him outweighed not doing so, and she ascended the steps at a quicker pace than before, making sure that she was at his door before she could back out. 

“Marcus?” Renata spoke timidly as she tapped on the door softly. Instantly the sobs tapered off; everything was eerily silent. “Marcus, may I come in?”

Renata heard Marcus clear his throat before saying in a voice devoid of all emotions, “You may.”

Renata opened the door slowly, peering inside at him before entering fully, just as Judith had done the first night that Aro took her; that first night that had sealed her fate. The memory made her swallow roughly, her fear and shame all rolled into one big ball of anxiety.

“What do you want, Renata?” Marcus stared at her, scrutinizing her with eyes that appeared to be bored, but were filled with his inner turmoil. How long would he live this way before he finally gave up? Would he turn himself over to the Moon Children as Judith had written that she had done, or would he walk into a raging fire with no desire for self-preservation?

“I have to make… a confession.” Renata clasped her hands in front of her and bowed her head in reverence, and guilt.

“Why don’t you just go bother Aro with such things? He can just read the confession in your thoughts so you won’t have to speak it aloud. Besides, he is the true leader of the Volturri, so he would be better suited in deciding what to do with the information.” 

“Well, this confession deals with Aro… and with Judith.” Renata’s voice lowered nearly to a whisper, but Marcus heard every word perfectly. He spun around to face the timid blonde, his face a hard mask of shock, barely concealing the pain he felt at hearing Judith’s name. He was in front of Renata in less than a second, his hands gripping her shoulders tightly, just as Aro had done in what seemed another lifetime. 

“What? What about my Judith?” Marcus’s face crumpled into something unrecognizable, the agony ripping him wide open now.

Renata was shocked by his reaction, and again she wondered what the conclusion to this meeting would be. If this was how he acted just by hearing that there was new information about Judith how would he act when he knew Renata’s part in the situation? It was quite possible that he would kill her right where she stood. This revelation took only a second, but it was still too long for Marcus, and he shook her roughly, “Tell me, dammit!”

Renata took a steadying breath; she had dove too far into this to back out now. She looked Marcus straight in the eye, and finally began to speak.

“Aro coveted your wife, Marcus. He wanted her, physically, and he would stop at nothing to get her. He trapped her in a situation that she had no way out of, and he had his way with her, for many months. He made me watch, as incentive to keep her quiet, and on the last night of her life I told him that Carlisle had found out about his goings-on with her. He decided that the only way to keep things under control would be to kill her, and just have her write a letter to you saying that she had killed herself. I told him that, because I thought that he would just leave her alone and come back to me, but he went much farther than I ever anticipated. Though I am sad for her death, I’m not sorry that I stepped forward and said something that night. It ended her misery, at least, and I think we both know that if nothing had changed he would have been having his way with her for years to come. I felt that you should know. My guilt over my part in this is eating me alive, Marcus, and I’m so, so sorry.” Renata’s eyes had drifted away from him during her speech, and now she looked down at the floor in shame, prepared for whatever would come.

Marcus stared at the wall, at the large painting of him and Judith that took up half of the front room, his hands falling from Renata’s shoulders down to his sides. His face was no longer that horrid statue of agony and loss, but rather it showed nothing; no emotions whatsoever showed on his face, and nothing flickered in his eyes. When he finally did speak his voice was flat and without inflections.

“I think you ought to go now, Renata, before something terrible happens to you. Don’t tell anyone that you came here, either. Just slip out silently, and stay that way.” Marcus turned away from her, walking at human speed toward the bedroom he used to share with Judith. 

Renata was more frightened by his blank state than by any anger he could have doled out, but she didn’t dawdle in leaving his quarters. She flitted down the stairs and into her own room so fast that she could have been a ghost haunting the castle walls. She didn’t stop there, though; if she stayed in her room, or even in this ornate housing façade, she would have killed herself from the guilt that crashed over her in waves. Everywhere she looked she was reminded of her part in Judith’s death, in Marcus’s suffering. She leaped from the open window, landing on the balls of her feet and sprinting through the surrounding forest. She didn’t know where she was running, and she didn’t care where she ended up; she just needed to get away from this area, lest the shame inside consume her. She pushed herself harder than she ever had, running faster than any member of the Volturri guard ever had before her, never slowing or stopping. To do that would be to give in to the ocean of sorrow inside of her. To do that would be to die. 

I still love him, even after all he did to her, to me, to Marcus, to all of us. I would still take him as my mate, if he wanted me, and I wish I didn’t feel that way. Why, heart, must you cry out for such wretchedness? 

Renata couldn’t ignore her sorrow for long, and as she slowed to a vampire’s jog, she thought through all that had transpired.

She had never wanted Judith to die, she had merely wanted Aro to pay attention to her as he once had. She wanted to be the one he craved, the one he coveted, the one he would kill to be with. Instead he had chosen Judith, a woman who was already romantically involved with someone, and who wanted none of Aro’s affections. Dammit, why couldn’t Aro just do the right thing? Why did he always have to have the most unattainable items? It was a power thing, wasn’t it? But she could have stopped him. Yes, she could have halted his actions, refused to go along with his devious plan, and then none of this would have happened, and Marcus wouldn’t be so deathly depressed now. 

Renata gripped her chest tightly, holding herself together, just like a human Bella would do hundreds of years later after Edward would leave her broken. Renata’s breathing turned into gasps, her chest and ribs expanding painfully with every intake. Of course, this pain was all in her mind; physically nothing was wrong with her, and she could have destroyed an entire city if she so chose. Still, this pain rolled through every cell in her hardened body, making her collapse on the dirt in a fetal position. She wondered if Jane had followed her, but knew the younger blonde hadn’t even known she had left. 

Renata could have stopped Aro, but she didn’t. Why didn’t she? She didn’t even have to think the question to know the answer: because she loved Aro, loved him more than she should. She would have killed Judith herself if he had wanted her, too, even though she would have regretted it horribly later, just as she regretted everything she had done now. Aro was her master, and she was like a puppet on his strings. She couldn’t entangle herself from his rule, either. She was stuck for life, just like Judith had been, because of these choices she’d made.

Well, Renata was still in love with Aro, and that wasn’t likely to change anytime soon. She would still protect him, and guard him. She would even still share his bed if he ever again asked her to. But never again would she kill for him. Because that was what she had done, wasn’t it? She had murdered for him by not standing up to him, and she couldn’t let herself stoop so low again. She may be a vampire, but she was so much better than that.

Renata slowly got to her feet, walking back to Volterra this time rather than running, letting her now guilt-free thoughts clear of everything but the flow of her senses. 

The End?

**Author's Note:**

> Update: Because I have currently started work on my first novel and already have quite a few people supporting me, someone suggested I set up a newsletter about the book.   
> It'd be mostly updates about the writing process, quotes from the book, and in the future updates about publication and when it'll be available for purchase.  
> The newsletter will be a mass email sent out roughly once a week. So if you're interested in being a part of this you can send me an email at chayne43571@gmail.com, where the newsletter will be sent from, or you can message me here or at my tumblr (insanechayne.tumblr.com) with the email address you'd like me to send the letter to.   
> Thank you for your support!


End file.
